HELLBLAZER feature film too, "Constantine"

Just go here and read about heaps of cool shit.

TRANSFORMERS feature film

In DVD news, Lucasfilms announced that it would release the animated EWOKS, DROIDS and CLONE WARS series.

**(sweet, I can get these for my 3 yr old, who loves the Star Wars trailers at the start of the kids videos from blockbuster, but who would have nightmares for weeks if he saw the actual films.)**

DreamWorks and Paramount Pictures have teamed up to bring THE TRANSFORMERS to the big screen. Angry Films heads Don Murphy and Tom DeSanto, who exec produced the X-MEN films, will produce the live-action feature, along with Lorenzo di Bonaventura. The film will be based on a story by DeSanto. Steven Spielberg will exec produce. Hasbro and TRANSFORMERS co-developer Takara will work with the studios on creative development, marketing and promotions and will manage merchandising in conjunction with the release of the film. The studios hope to release the film in summer 2006.

**Hand me my absorbant undergarments**

Whoops

I meant to send this to my "serious" 3D blog, 3DPOTATOE. But it is rad, so I'll leave it here. Revel in the glory of a low poly game art bubblegum crisis ripoff.

SPREAD THE WORD!

I have to thank Stompbox for introducing me to the hard motherfucker called Lobo, and all his friends. I came home from the land of the dune coons one year for a holiday and spend untold glorious days working my way chronologically through milk crates of 2000AD comics.

Awesome.

I do not know why an Asian Cinema site would be called "Monkey Peaches" but it is, alright. Just shut up and hit the pic, it's got swords and cute chicks and all that funky shit.

Poofs.

Hulk of shit

Just saw The Hulk for the first time and to be honest, it wasn't as shit as I was expecting.
Though it was pretty shit.

I've been playing XIII recently, which you may or may not know is based on a long running French comic series. It's got some cool elements with framed shots and stuff, multiple perspectives of scenes inlaid simultaneously onscreen and shit so it's like a comic, but one that you can actually run through blowing motherfuckers away. The Hulk reminded me of that, Ang Lee actually did a pretty good job of making a motion picture comic thing. The content may have been a bit of an arsefart, but it was really nicely presented.

If you disagree, think of the diabolical turd that was Daredevil and get back to me.

Jeniffer whatsits has actually got kind hot now she's older, but she shoulda worn more leather.

And the most bestest part was when the irradiated mutant-motherfucker rottweiler sunk his jaws in and wouldn't let go and the only way fuckface could get it off was by punching it in the nuts, a couple of times. Brilliant.

My rating: Better than eating shit off someones chest.

Guess who bought a digital camera?

BROOOOOOOM

Here's my cars so far, when my 3 yr old got up today I said look I made you a car. He said thanks and made me "drive" it around on the monitor for 45 minutes until I wished I could just will myself to die.

Late night Pooing

I felt this was worthy of it's own post :)

As discussed somewhere previously here, the other night my pooing expeditions woke one of my housemates.

Since moving to the fuckhole that is Sydney, my body has begun to behave in erratic, inexplicable ways. I have developed a 'skin infection' or something, which is thankfully clearing up now. But more importantly I have found my pooing habits have changed somewhat, which I take as a clear sign of my body rebelling against this city in the most effectual way it can.

I've always been a strong believer in pooing at work (this is with thanks and credit to my brother-in-law for the arguments in favour) as it means 'the man' is funding my daily workout. For some reason I have yet to identify, I now only poo at night. What this means, in laymans terms, is that come 11pm or midnight, my body decides it's time to evacuate. Combine this with something a little funny that gave me boiling sensations in my gut and you can probably picture the rest.

I'm going to describe it anyway.

I was trying to be quiet, I really was. The thing is my housemates room is right next to the shitter and she's put her bed AGAINST THE SAME FUCKING WALL. So here's me sweating and trying to stifle the groans, with my arse literally one and a half meters form her face... in short, it all came screaming out in one hit (with a couple of ricochets) and in the blissfull aftermath all I heard from the next room was:

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"

I haven't been able to look her in the eye since.

Low Poly Panel Beating

I was making and texturing low poly cars all nightshift, driving home delirious I noticed a valiant which didn't have enough polys and looked blocky and shit. Nice textures though. Then I realised that this was in fact reality, and so I was wrong, the polycount was adequate.

I'll have a copy of

Planet Exploder 5.0

My pants are tight...

...and they're only going to get tighter.

I couldn't be fucked pissing around with images this morning, it's the Doom3 website, release date Aug 3rd. Fuck me that gives me a hard-on.

Sure, bring on the 'no wonder you don't have a girlfriend' comments, I don't give a flying fuck. This game is going to fill your dacks with shit in about 8 seconds. In fact the full screen flash site is pretty scary itself. Prospective girlfriends can fuck off down the far end of my shotgun when this baby comes out, I'll be busy.

Speaking of scary shit, AvP the movie is out Sept 30th or something. All I keep thinking is, the AvP games horrified me. I would force myself to sit and play them on my own in a dark room, with the sound loud enough to have the bondage-queens next door banging on the wall at 4am, and then have nightmares for days afterwards (cause of the game, not the poofs). Now Doom3 is coming, I think I need my mummy.

I tried to explain to my boss how I could predict that I would be sick on August 3rd and probably the 4th too. He didn't seem to think that was reasonable. But as MonkeyPox knows, I got away with it for WarCraft3, so they can eat my arse. This game is going to affect the way I percieve the world like after reading Brett Easton Ellis.

I don't care if they fire me, I'll be busy eradicating the spawn of Hell.

GIGANTIC BRAIN

Soil your pants now before the coming of .....
GIGANTIC BRAIN
Click the logo and get the mp3 down, YOU, WILL, SHIT !!
The soundtrack to impending alien invasion IS HERE!!
I'M WEEING DOWN MY LEG AS I TYPE THIS SENTENCE

CLONE WARS animated series

Has anyone see it? The ads look fun. If it's good we should get it down off the net when the DVD comes out. 5 min episodes I think, the smartest move that cunts made so far (making short and sweet cartoon.)

STAR WARS ep 3

Help me pre-empt the shitness and prove the point that any one of us could come up with a better script while taking a dump.

- OK so the Anakin thing is easy, Amidala has twin babies and then the Emperor dude has her killed, making it look like the jedis or Naboonians or some other good guys did it, and Anakin promptly trips, falls into a volcano and becomes Darth Vader. The girl baby escapes in an escape pod and goes to Aldaran where some deadshit in the royal family finds and adopts her, by coincidence. The male baby some idiot is given to take to uncle one leg and the rest of the beverley hillbillies.

- The bad guys build a death star.

- Hmm, I'm stuck. He's written himself into a corner. I bet you "the clone wars", which were talked about in the original film when we were kids as though it were an historical event, which it turns out happened 20 yrs ago, only goes for a month, and they defeat the clones by throwing jedis at them until the clones expire in exasperation at what has become of the Star Wars francise.

STAR WARS ep 2

"The growing hatred of George Lucas"

They had this on Foxtel again at work. I think of what's in total a pretty hatable film, there's one bit that really gets my goat. Even more than the blatantly made with a PS2 game in mind bits. This really sums up the fact that if you have enough money you can hire the best concept artists on the planet to make your film at least look nice, even if you couldn't write a script if you were facing death by torture.

Anakin nightmares about his mommy, goes to Tatoieen (spelling?) and I'm gagging as I type this, goes to the "Uncle's place" from the old Star Wars movie I grew up with, where he meets - his new step father and step brother. OK, so the step brother is Luke Skywalker's "Uncle Assboy" or whatever his name was. What a fucking pointless exercise that was. To make matters worse, the step dad goes on about how mommy has been missing for a month to tuff as fuck tusken raiders who ate 30 of his mates, and his leg. So Anakin goes there, makes a hole in the back of the correct tent, and the act of taking his momma off a tusken raider rape rack kills her. She survived for a month on raider gism. He unties her, she tells him how handsome he looks, and "I love..." rolls her head back and dies. Probably from Tusken cock withdrawal.

So Anakin gets upset and climbs out of the tent to fight the "amazingly bad ass tusken raiders who killed 30 dudes and ate the uncles leg." And they look like some derros with sticks and shit. I could have kicked their asses when I was drunk. Then, just to really ram a sharp pencil into your ear in case you were willing to let things slide because you love Star Wars lego, in the next scene yoda is meditating, and while Anakin is meanwhile slashing up the tusken raiders, yoda hears the violence and what sounds to me like the uncle's voice yelling "Anakin! NO!" WHAT THE FUCK! WHY!? The uncle's not there! It's not obi, he doesn't know shit! FUUUUUUUUCK!

What a cunt of a movie. What a fucking shit way to establish how one of the best bad guys of my childhood (Darth Vader, not my mum) "turned evil." And you couldn't get a better opportunity to do it right. Mr Lucas, thanks for weeing on my dreams.

Noodle

I ate noodles for tea in a stir fry, got a wierd feeling in the back of my nose, blew it and guess what was in my hankie? A 2 inch long piece of noodle! COOL! I rang my oldest son, who was impressed when I explained that the noodle had turned around and come out a different way to where it came in. By the same logic, could you get say sauce to come out of your eye?

DRUNKEN BUM

Before I start let me just say I am really disappointed with how quiet it's gotten here. Got of your arse and post inane bullshit.

At little league footy today there's this alcoholic Dad who keeps showing up even though the Mum (who has the son, who plays in my son's team) has put out a restraining order. There's something not quite right about a guy who smells like a can of bourbon and coke at 9am on a Sunday morning. It's a kind of yummy smell for a second, and then REALLY nauseating when you realise what your brain is saying: that drunk guy smells good this morning. Barf. Anyway this morning he was there leaning against the building when the team came out of the change rooms, and the ex-wife looked really surprised to see him there, and rushed their young daughter away. Then I saw him staggering later, he fully was just trying to walk, staggered 2 meters backwards and tripped, landing with his upper back slamming into a brick wall. Ouch. Pretty embarassing for us too as we were the visiting team at the ground. Too pissed to walk, and the frightening thing is it was more than a 20 minute drive from my place, so he was on the road in that state for some time.

Alcohol is horrifically addictive for some people, poor cunts. I work at the adult detox unit sometimes, it's not great when you see some old bird, older than your mum, pissed and throwing glass ashtrays at junkies. Hmmm, grog.

PS. Skaffen, is that our Uncle Rich on the email list where I went into some detail about my bowel problems? Yikes!

Slashdot Tentacle Monster

Tentacle A first tentacle monster post

Rock Guitar Shit Robot

This blog seems to be mutating into something I am not 100% comfortable with and for that I hold myself more than a little responsible. If you cast your mind back a couple of weeks you may remember how quickly things degenerated into sheer brilliance.

Lately I have found myself wondering, what would be a good link to post, what would be both interesting & funny at the same time... I am utterly dissapointed in myself & apologise

so in a raining fit of fuck that

here is something cool that come up in the top 10 results on a google search for 'rock guitar shit robot'



I promise, I will strive to do worse.

Hello Kitty

Everyone loves those crazy japs, they draw awesome cartoons & kids & chicks go fucking apeshitting nuts over them. Doraemon is a fine example of this

People are just mental for him.
this just proves the fucking point

Some of you squares will think do we really need a Doraemon dildo in the world & I say FUCK YES

I wont be happy till we have a domokun female sanitary napkin


uh huh....

Fleisch Bedeutet Geschlecht Gleich Scheiße

REMASTERED CARCASS CATALOGUE
Looks like a good chunk of the back catalogue is being remastered & released with video's,
time to get excited.

On a semi-related note I just bought this. It's a whole guitar amp & effects rack bundled up into a box about the size of a (weirdly shaped) ciggie packet. & I am eager to get back on the guitar bandwagon.

Who wants to join my shred-metal band cunningly titled

'Save some for later'

Rock

I come to destroy you all.

THIS is what Skaffen wants for his birthday.

Seriously fucking amazing. The image will take you to their page. Not only do you get one amazing lego kit to put together (more like an amature radio kit on steroids actually) but you can then PROGRAM KUNG-FU INTO THE LITTLE BASTARD!





Yes, I ripped this off Slashdot.

Weird custom cd cases and shit

The designs on the site don't impress me much, but I like the idea and I really like the cases.
Now that dual layer 9Gig capacity dvd burners are $200 I rekon this is a pretty slick distribution method.

Oh yeah: shit, poo, arse, fuck.

Coffee Mugs

Under the link "Other Stuff"

Who got da pimpin?

If you're a tyranical murderous leader, you don't get a lot of respect in the hood, but surely this would help

& if you really want a cack try running it through
The shizzolator & see what snoop dogg has to say about it.

(Of course, the shizzolator turns out to be quite crappily coded & that big assed URL breaks it, but you can put other sites in there & get them snooped.)

Fuck for forests

Sometimes hippies are cool.

Saving some for later

Shiny hot things

Fuck eh - lets give this a try

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

Click on the photo to go a page where you can watch Spidey fight Doc Oc as LEGO

I havent watched it yet... BUT I WILL ONCE I GET OUT OF THESE PANTS !!

oooh yeah, we're so fucking good with our insanelyfuckingbiggun no-one bothers looking at the poor motherfuckers downrange. We hit them, we know it.

Meet the pooshooter. He's a lovely fella who'll quite happily shoot your poo if it gets away from chaos warrior or the Manowar guy. His amazing suit of armour, which I just know you're checking out, is made of anti-poo teflon.

This is the Manowar guy



He'll kick the poo right back up your ass

& then hack at you with his broadsword until you're happy that the poo's back there

This is a chaos warrior. He will kick your arses until poos come out.

I still have nightmares thanks to this walking, talking, technologically savvy shit in a spacesuit.

HEAVY METAL WAKE-UP CALL

7th August my birthday
Saturday at the Arthouse
CAPTAIN CLEANOFF - best live band I've ever seen, outgrind BRUTAL TRUTH in their heydey
Fast you ask? YOU'LL SHIT !
FUCK ... I'M DEAD - gods
UNDINISM - grind mayhem with mentally ill singer who self harms on stage
VAGINAL CARNAGE - funny live burping
KUTABARE - Heavy thick deathgrind with alcohol induced brain injury
EXCARNATED - a bit shit

I will start sucking up to the wife NOW
All I want for my birthday this year is
PERMISSION TO ROCK
Skaffen if you're in town you're needed at the bar
Eightball you know what to do
You are both obliged to ROCK THE FUCK OUT

I mentioned poos in another post (and warhammer)

Having posted about poos and knowing how important they are I didn't want it to get missed:

Big jobbies

I just farted

Not stunning or suprising I know.
But it was a good dry noisy one, and there was noone around to appreciate it.
I thought I would share it with you guys.
I can feel another one building up as well.

Tower of Power

I wish I'd thought of this about 30 years ago so I could have docmented the build up of my ass.

Imagine my haemmoroids building & demoloshing themselves in timelapse. The big question is what music to use as a soundtrack to such an epic undertaking?

I am thinking Wagners "Ride of the Valkyries" not only becuase it may remind people of the epic scene in Apocolypse Now as they watch my ass mutate & become red raw but also because everyone must agree

Valkyries kick much ass.

ANIMEFU

Anime review site

You dorks probably already know it, I found it on Slashdot. A good resource, I'm typing in the weekly titles I saw at Blockbuster and getting a pretty rough idea of what to avoid and what to get in the 6 weeklies special. Sweet.

A little gift from me to the fuckers who locked down the new Beastie Boys album so I can't play it on my iPod.Fuck you with a big mechanical cock you bastards!

SPACE HOGG

If Jas keeps kicking my ass at Space Hulk he is going to be spending the next 6 years grounded.

I want to build him a paint station, it's a sheet of wood with edges to stop shit falling off and a raised back, with spots to hold paint and stuff. Any ideas on what to make it out of, or should I just go look at Ikea for a plastic try thing? You can buy them at Games Workshop but I want to go cheap.

Concerned about low posts

I am becoming concerned, there are about 4 of us and between us we are only managing about 70 posts a day. FUCK!

Don't we have a duty of care?

The responsible among you will cry
NO, this sort of thing is exactly how high school massacres start
to that I say
BURN RESPONSO-POOF BURN

Sure it's a sad state of affairs when any disgruntled high school student with $100 (or less if he's willing to get the majority of his pipeware from the local public loo) can create his own Flame Thrower. But can't this be seen in a good light?

At least he's in the outdoors, working with his hands.

I say good on you mate, & I look forward to sending you flowers in the major burns ward of your local hospital.

Click on the picture to check out "EVIL SHIT", a German horror/slasher/something rad flick being um made in Germany. There is no way no cunt reading this has heard of it, I read about it in a sleeve from a new underground death metal CD from "AMAGORTIS", who I've never heard of, so out-underground THAT, poseur.

Also there's a "romantic zombie comedy" out soon locally called "Shaun of the Dead" but I cant find the website. It's made by and starring the dude from SPACED, and looks awesome, set in an English pub beseiged by zombies - some bloke and his sheila woes, and there's zombies and shit. COOL

I want to be there when...

...this guy and what ever the fuck this is have a run in.

Some quotes from our contestants:

"I spoke for a few moments about how I wasn't Tron, but a simple payroll withholding calculation program that had gotten overweight by changes in the laws."


"When used in conjunction with the SYSTEMATE water stunner this killing machine offers fully automatic, unsupervised killing."

if only you could get shit flavoured guitars

Fucking awesome
Their music could sound like an army of burning schoolgirls for all I care, the site alone makes these guys fucking awesome.

Probalby not a patch on mid 80's Iron Maiden like I'd hope they would be but if you want your metal leather clad & sucking cock these guys could be right up your alley.

Sad sad bastards

Click here for German Warhammer 40K fanflick site

Down a bit on the right hand side click on the piece of "parchment" called "Imperial Gothic" for behind the scenes info, and you cable people will probably be able to see the trailers. Poor you.

These guys need to get themselves a girlfriend.

Hotmail addresses

Some experimenting last week found that "billgates" and "fuck" were not permitted in hotmail accounts. It let us have "gatesbill" and stuff that involved him doing rude stuff to donkeys.
I also got ballsuckmy@hotmail.com . Interesting or not ?

TAX

If I get another bill this year I am going on the dole, because working for a living obviously is not working out for me financially.

A boring thought...

Hey I would love to be able to use this type of thing on Metalshtorm.com, it would make putting reviews up etc a breeze. With the blogger set up to post on your own server, any idea how seamlessly I could fit it into the Metalshtorm site?

Editing all that html gives the the shits like you would not believe, and it takes yonks to get new reviews up. With blogger set up it would be FAST, and hello it good for the cd covers... COMMENTS WELCOME, um, HOMES