Late night Pooing
I felt this was worthy of it's own post :)
As discussed somewhere previously here, the other night my pooing expeditions woke one of my housemates.
Since moving to the fuckhole that is Sydney, my body has begun to behave in erratic, inexplicable ways. I have developed a 'skin infection' or something, which is thankfully clearing up now. But more importantly I have found my pooing habits have changed somewhat, which I take as a clear sign of my body rebelling against this city in the most effectual way it can.
I've always been a strong believer in pooing at work (this is with thanks and credit to my brother-in-law for the arguments in favour) as it means 'the man' is funding my daily workout. For some reason I have yet to identify, I now only poo at night. What this means, in laymans terms, is that come 11pm or midnight, my body decides it's time to evacuate. Combine this with something a little funny that gave me boiling sensations in my gut and you can probably picture the rest.
I'm going to describe it anyway.
I was trying to be quiet, I really was. The thing is my housemates room is right next to the shitter and she's put her bed AGAINST THE SAME FUCKING WALL. So here's me sweating and trying to stifle the groans, with my arse literally one and a half meters form her face... in short, it all came screaming out in one hit (with a couple of ricochets) and in the blissfull aftermath all I heard from the next room was:
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"
I haven't been able to look her in the eye since.
As discussed somewhere previously here, the other night my pooing expeditions woke one of my housemates.
Since moving to the fuckhole that is Sydney, my body has begun to behave in erratic, inexplicable ways. I have developed a 'skin infection' or something, which is thankfully clearing up now. But more importantly I have found my pooing habits have changed somewhat, which I take as a clear sign of my body rebelling against this city in the most effectual way it can.
I've always been a strong believer in pooing at work (this is with thanks and credit to my brother-in-law for the arguments in favour) as it means 'the man' is funding my daily workout. For some reason I have yet to identify, I now only poo at night. What this means, in laymans terms, is that come 11pm or midnight, my body decides it's time to evacuate. Combine this with something a little funny that gave me boiling sensations in my gut and you can probably picture the rest.
I'm going to describe it anyway.
I was trying to be quiet, I really was. The thing is my housemates room is right next to the shitter and she's put her bed AGAINST THE SAME FUCKING WALL. So here's me sweating and trying to stifle the groans, with my arse literally one and a half meters form her face... in short, it all came screaming out in one hit (with a couple of ricochets) and in the blissfull aftermath all I heard from the next room was:
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"
I haven't been able to look her in the eye since.
posted by skaffen at 7/23/2004 09:26:00 pm
5 Comments:
My advice would to be to drink constantly and start hitting on her really hard while silent farting.
hehe.. this is funny. =) just chance upon ur blog! enjoy blogging!
What would be REALLY funny is that Christine Soledad is your room mate.
I say the best approach is to install a 15cm X 15cm plexi glass window in the wall & ride the toilet in a 'reverse cowbow' position whilst exorcising your nightly demon. then when she utters 'whats that?' she can look up & see your smiling face...
Hi, nothing to see here.
Oh also, I have never been big on coffee, I like it but don't NEED it like most people do. But since starting my new job they have a coin operated Lavazza espresso machine that can be coaxed into delivering half decent coffee for nothing. Now I have heard that coffee can operate as a laxative & have never paid too much attention to it. but let me tell you
it's true.
being a creature of habit, 10AM rolls around & it's up to the coffee machine for my morning "Very Sweet Cappucino with extra sugar" however now I also have 11AM ass grumblings. like clockwork it's a mad dash to the dunnies to 'drop off the kids' you could set your watch by it. coffee X 30 mins == poop
Actually tomorrow I am going to test this & I WILL set my watch by it I swear I will run my entire day on poop time
just wait & see...
I like Eightball's suggestion. Why stop at a plexiglass window ? You have plenty of issues of atomic mag for reference, as well as this post of Stompbox's from last month. It shouldn't be just PCs and shitty japanese cars that get modded. Your new extreme dunny needs a huge extraction fan with blue leds blowing the fumes of your mega arse exertions into the nasal cavity of your house mate while the sounds are amplified 100 fold via a monster sub-woofer. All is illuminated by the cold glow of blue neon tubes.
Post a Comment
<< Home