STAR WARS ep 2
"The growing hatred of George Lucas"
They had this on Foxtel again at work. I think of what's in total a pretty hatable film, there's one bit that really gets my goat. Even more than the blatantly made with a PS2 game in mind bits. This really sums up the fact that if you have enough money you can hire the best concept artists on the planet to make your film at least look nice, even if you couldn't write a script if you were facing death by torture.
Anakin nightmares about his mommy, goes to Tatoieen (spelling?) and I'm gagging as I type this, goes to the "Uncle's place" from the old Star Wars movie I grew up with, where he meets - his new step father and step brother. OK, so the step brother is Luke Skywalker's "Uncle Assboy" or whatever his name was. What a fucking pointless exercise that was. To make matters worse, the step dad goes on about how mommy has been missing for a month to tuff as fuck tusken raiders who ate 30 of his mates, and his leg. So Anakin goes there, makes a hole in the back of the correct tent, and the act of taking his momma off a tusken raider rape rack kills her. She survived for a month on raider gism. He unties her, she tells him how handsome he looks, and "I love..." rolls her head back and dies. Probably from Tusken cock withdrawal.
So Anakin gets upset and climbs out of the tent to fight the "amazingly bad ass tusken raiders who killed 30 dudes and ate the uncles leg." And they look like some derros with sticks and shit. I could have kicked their asses when I was drunk. Then, just to really ram a sharp pencil into your ear in case you were willing to let things slide because you love Star Wars lego, in the next scene yoda is meditating, and while Anakin is meanwhile slashing up the tusken raiders, yoda hears the violence and what sounds to me like the uncle's voice yelling "Anakin! NO!" WHAT THE FUCK! WHY!? The uncle's not there! It's not obi, he doesn't know shit! FUUUUUUUUCK!
What a cunt of a movie. What a fucking shit way to establish how one of the best bad guys of my childhood (Darth Vader, not my mum) "turned evil." And you couldn't get a better opportunity to do it right. Mr Lucas, thanks for weeing on my dreams.
They had this on Foxtel again at work. I think of what's in total a pretty hatable film, there's one bit that really gets my goat. Even more than the blatantly made with a PS2 game in mind bits. This really sums up the fact that if you have enough money you can hire the best concept artists on the planet to make your film at least look nice, even if you couldn't write a script if you were facing death by torture.
Anakin nightmares about his mommy, goes to Tatoieen (spelling?) and I'm gagging as I type this, goes to the "Uncle's place" from the old Star Wars movie I grew up with, where he meets - his new step father and step brother. OK, so the step brother is Luke Skywalker's "Uncle Assboy" or whatever his name was. What a fucking pointless exercise that was. To make matters worse, the step dad goes on about how mommy has been missing for a month to tuff as fuck tusken raiders who ate 30 of his mates, and his leg. So Anakin goes there, makes a hole in the back of the correct tent, and the act of taking his momma off a tusken raider rape rack kills her. She survived for a month on raider gism. He unties her, she tells him how handsome he looks, and "I love..." rolls her head back and dies. Probably from Tusken cock withdrawal.
So Anakin gets upset and climbs out of the tent to fight the "amazingly bad ass tusken raiders who killed 30 dudes and ate the uncles leg." And they look like some derros with sticks and shit. I could have kicked their asses when I was drunk. Then, just to really ram a sharp pencil into your ear in case you were willing to let things slide because you love Star Wars lego, in the next scene yoda is meditating, and while Anakin is meanwhile slashing up the tusken raiders, yoda hears the violence and what sounds to me like the uncle's voice yelling "Anakin! NO!" WHAT THE FUCK! WHY!? The uncle's not there! It's not obi, he doesn't know shit! FUUUUUUUUCK!
What a cunt of a movie. What a fucking shit way to establish how one of the best bad guys of my childhood (Darth Vader, not my mum) "turned evil." And you couldn't get a better opportunity to do it right. Mr Lucas, thanks for weeing on my dreams.
posted by stompbox at 7/18/2004 09:26:00 pm
2 Comments:
great post, I think a reflection on this this fucking movie is that it's been out for 2 years & none of us have discussed it. not once it's been a global "if we don't talk about it, maybe it didn't happen"
This film was one of the steamiest turds of a movie I'd ever seen. & that wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't completly ruining my entire childhood.
I'm serious, I was one of those kids that was obsessed my Star Wars in primary school (OK fine, secondary school....fine and TAFE as well, OK fine I'm typing this whilst wearing my Han Solo vest & 'blasting' my cat whom I've dressed up as Greedo).
I haven't seen the movie since it came out in the cinema's so I am not as good on the details of Tusken Raider semen as Stomp but a few of the shittier moments that stuck out to me were:
1. All the lame Australian castmembers, some guy you've seen pissed down Swan St trying to hail a cab to pour the sixteen y.o. slag he's picked up into doesn't translate well to a galaxy far far away
2. The scene where Anifag rides the big crazy beast like a skateboard, it just looked poofingly fucking weak. oh combined with the fact that a Star Wars movie needs a 5 minute romantic scene like it needs more fucking ewoks.
3. Yoda, OK yoda is about 900 years old in Rotj when he dies, Ep2 (so shit I can't even remember the name) is set about (lets say) 60-70 years previously. So Yoda's lived about 7% of his life in the space of the two, & in that time he's become a fucking wreck of an old yoda, dying & coughing & pooping in his robes (probably) from his sprightly spin kicking light saber fighting self in Ep2... if my timelines are correct instead of still kicking ass. 7% of the time yoda has left to life would be spent with him buying a caravan & doing 60 on the freeway in his magna on his way to Cairns.
Shitful, I hate what george Lucas has done & I think this goes to show that it was a godsend the script for Empire Strikes Back was handed over to someone else or we wuoldn't have even had the trilogy to look back on.
Fuck yes. It sucks poo. No one even mentioned Jar Jar Binks not being killed in a painful way - that was a glaring omission. Probably because it was too obviously missing. Now if they had done that it could have at least made up for a small way for the steaming pile that was episode one. I haven't mentioned eps 1 + 2 before because I refuse to acknowledge that they are a valid part of the Star Wars I remember.
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