STAR WARS ep 3
Help me pre-empt the shitness and prove the point that any one of us could come up with a better script while taking a dump.
- OK so the Anakin thing is easy, Amidala has twin babies and then the Emperor dude has her killed, making it look like the jedis or Naboonians or some other good guys did it, and Anakin promptly trips, falls into a volcano and becomes Darth Vader. The girl baby escapes in an escape pod and goes to Aldaran where some deadshit in the royal family finds and adopts her, by coincidence. The male baby some idiot is given to take to uncle one leg and the rest of the beverley hillbillies.
- The bad guys build a death star.
- Hmm, I'm stuck. He's written himself into a corner. I bet you "the clone wars", which were talked about in the original film when we were kids as though it were an historical event, which it turns out happened 20 yrs ago, only goes for a month, and they defeat the clones by throwing jedis at them until the clones expire in exasperation at what has become of the Star Wars francise.
- OK so the Anakin thing is easy, Amidala has twin babies and then the Emperor dude has her killed, making it look like the jedis or Naboonians or some other good guys did it, and Anakin promptly trips, falls into a volcano and becomes Darth Vader. The girl baby escapes in an escape pod and goes to Aldaran where some deadshit in the royal family finds and adopts her, by coincidence. The male baby some idiot is given to take to uncle one leg and the rest of the beverley hillbillies.
- The bad guys build a death star.
- Hmm, I'm stuck. He's written himself into a corner. I bet you "the clone wars", which were talked about in the original film when we were kids as though it were an historical event, which it turns out happened 20 yrs ago, only goes for a month, and they defeat the clones by throwing jedis at them until the clones expire in exasperation at what has become of the Star Wars francise.
posted by stompbox at 7/18/2004 11:49:00 pm
3 Comments:
I totally agree about the clone wars prediction as well, I remember thinking when i was a kid:
wtf are these clone wars, they must have been huge. were they cloning each other & trying to be all sneaky & turn people against each other & stuff?...
nope, turns out it will be just a 20 minute cg battle with the guy from Once for Warriors teamed with Saruman vs yoda
I think the only way they could begin to save this is to bring back Darth Maul, as he was the only thing that ep1 had going for it in the end..
Yeah in the first film the Clone Wars sounded like the fucking black plague or something, and clones sounded scary like a taboo, like in a Frank Herbert (Dune) book. Not the quick CG you mentioned. It sounded like something that nearly ended mankind, or changed the course of history. Not "that scene where Natalie Portman falls out of the troop carrier that looks like it was designed to carry action figures."
Leave Natalie alone you heartless bastards!
Sure the films are a bucket of urine enema-ed up your nostrils, but she needed the money.
You do sort of have to wonder how the guy went from creating something incredibly, oh my god my pants are tight, staple your nuts to your forehead awesome trilogy, and then follow it up with the aforementioned bucket of piss. In my opinion the only way the old fuck could redeem himself now would be to top the X-prize contestants by throwing all his money into a real death star and firing it up his own arse.
Then we could use it to train up Ender et al. and go kick some alien-insect planet in the fuckhole.
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