I need ass-kickin & I need it now
This is probalby going to read pretty choppily cause most of it is cut & pasted from an MSN tyrade but please feel free to read through the regurgitation that is
Why Eightball hates Comics to Film crossovers
The part of eightball will be played by RIFFZILLA
RIFFZILLA says:
Yeah I didn't think to much of it (spiderman film), but I rarely like Comics2Films as they spend too much time on creating the pre-story [that everyone pretty much knows] & not enough time with Spidey KICKIN ASS!
(it should also be clarified, I haven't seen the second Spidey film & I think Raimey is a fucking genius)
RIFFZILLA says:
Director: Hmmm he needs a love interest, & a reason to fight crime.
No he doesn't he just needs tights & a hell of a lot of ASS TO KICK
RIFFZILLA says:
Lame-0: Spidey, why'd you kick that guys ass?
Spidey: cause it was there...
BOOT! (sound of Spidey kickin ass of same lame-o)
RIFFZILLA says:
Trust me when kids buy comics they don't rush down to the ship thinking gee I hope this issue has Spidey contemplating why he's compelled to fight crime, or gee I really hope Spidey finds love this time. They think
I HOPE HE KICKS SOMEONES ASS IN EVERY FRAME
RIFFZILLA says:
Batman comics are cool
RIFFZILLA says:
batman movies stink like a semen covered turd
RIFFZILLA says:
that said, the new one looks like it COULD be ok
RIFFZILLA says:
but it will more than likely suck a semen covered turd
RIFFZILLA says:
Fantastic Four, I wonder how long they spend explaining how they became fantastic. Cuase if it's anymore than 10 seconds. they missed the point
RIFFZILLA says:
another lamer: Hey Human Torch - How did you start catching on fire & shit.
Human Torch: Read the fucking book nerdlinger - BOOT!
another lamer: Hey thanks Human Torch, I needed my ass kicked there. I forgot I wasn't watching Shindlers List & wanted to 'learn something' Please resume 125 minutes of ceaseless ass kicking
RIFFZILLA says:
it's staggering how much they fuck it up though really.
1. people who read the comics know the pre-story & don't care to see it rehashed
2. people who don't read the comics don't care about the pre-story (or they'd read the comics) & just want to see ass kickin.
All that said the first hour of Sin City is fucking fantastic. wanna know why? cause
1. They had an awesome comic to work with
2. They took only very minor liberites with the storyline
3. It has pretty much NO exposition (thanks to the comics, but also like MOST comics)your dumped straight into Hardigan's story. as it should be.
They should base all comix2films off this formula, dont make a batman film make a Batman - Killing Joke movie. a full graphic novel story that just needs to be adapted to the screen. That comic was popular as shit FOR A REASON...
No 50 minutes of, right. there was this guy. his parents died - & then something about bats happened... you see bats..
so he's batman
cause of the thing that happened with the bats...
BATS!
thats why he's batman.
cause of the bats..
for fucks sake who wants to watch that, & before you laugh - think of most of the batman films that have been released...................
Comic2Films should be awesome but for the most part they are not.
& like Twisted Sister said
I'm NOT GOING TO TAKE IT
NO
I AIN"T GONNA TAKE IT
ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE
so what does that mean (other than TML is now 7000 pixels long) it means we need to pitch a screenplay of Batman - Killing Joke or Batman - Judgement on Gotham or something, (Not anything Superman though cause he was always a raving homo, except for that series where he died, that may be OK.) It would be the best comic adaption ever, we'd get rich & Stomp could finally pay someone to look after his PC's. And if anyone says Wah Wah Wah it's too hard, all I have to say is if you're willing to stand in between the oppurtunity for Skaffen to have enough money to buy the Japanese Womens Volleyball Team & a pack of disposable Bic razors thats your choice.
Nuff said, now I've done the hard work. Stomp you do the easy bit & write the screenplay, Skaff & M-Pox can wrestle naked in Peanut Butter to decide who does the pitch to Hollywood exec's dressed in a suit of armour.
("you may be wondering why I'm doing this pitch in a suit of armour, the fact is you see this script if so fucking awesome if my body wasn't constrained by all this metal plating the radness would swell up from my balls & explode my body all over your nice walls, now sit down & open up your fucking chequebook")
Why Eightball hates Comics to Film crossovers
The part of eightball will be played by RIFFZILLA
RIFFZILLA says:
Yeah I didn't think to much of it (spiderman film), but I rarely like Comics2Films as they spend too much time on creating the pre-story [that everyone pretty much knows] & not enough time with Spidey KICKIN ASS!
(it should also be clarified, I haven't seen the second Spidey film & I think Raimey is a fucking genius)
RIFFZILLA says:
Director: Hmmm he needs a love interest, & a reason to fight crime.
No he doesn't he just needs tights & a hell of a lot of ASS TO KICK
RIFFZILLA says:
Lame-0: Spidey, why'd you kick that guys ass?
Spidey: cause it was there...
BOOT! (sound of Spidey kickin ass of same lame-o)
RIFFZILLA says:
Trust me when kids buy comics they don't rush down to the ship thinking gee I hope this issue has Spidey contemplating why he's compelled to fight crime, or gee I really hope Spidey finds love this time. They think
I HOPE HE KICKS SOMEONES ASS IN EVERY FRAME
RIFFZILLA says:
Batman comics are cool
RIFFZILLA says:
batman movies stink like a semen covered turd
RIFFZILLA says:
that said, the new one looks like it COULD be ok
RIFFZILLA says:
but it will more than likely suck a semen covered turd
RIFFZILLA says:
Fantastic Four, I wonder how long they spend explaining how they became fantastic. Cuase if it's anymore than 10 seconds. they missed the point
RIFFZILLA says:
another lamer: Hey Human Torch - How did you start catching on fire & shit.
Human Torch: Read the fucking book nerdlinger - BOOT!
another lamer: Hey thanks Human Torch, I needed my ass kicked there. I forgot I wasn't watching Shindlers List & wanted to 'learn something' Please resume 125 minutes of ceaseless ass kicking
RIFFZILLA says:
it's staggering how much they fuck it up though really.
1. people who read the comics know the pre-story & don't care to see it rehashed
2. people who don't read the comics don't care about the pre-story (or they'd read the comics) & just want to see ass kickin.
All that said the first hour of Sin City is fucking fantastic. wanna know why? cause
1. They had an awesome comic to work with
2. They took only very minor liberites with the storyline
3. It has pretty much NO exposition (thanks to the comics, but also like MOST comics)your dumped straight into Hardigan's story. as it should be.
They should base all comix2films off this formula, dont make a batman film make a Batman - Killing Joke movie. a full graphic novel story that just needs to be adapted to the screen. That comic was popular as shit FOR A REASON...
No 50 minutes of, right. there was this guy. his parents died - & then something about bats happened... you see bats..
so he's batman
cause of the thing that happened with the bats...
BATS!
thats why he's batman.
cause of the bats..
for fucks sake who wants to watch that, & before you laugh - think of most of the batman films that have been released...................
Comic2Films should be awesome but for the most part they are not.
& like Twisted Sister said
I'm NOT GOING TO TAKE IT
NO
I AIN"T GONNA TAKE IT
ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE
so what does that mean (other than TML is now 7000 pixels long) it means we need to pitch a screenplay of Batman - Killing Joke or Batman - Judgement on Gotham or something, (Not anything Superman though cause he was always a raving homo, except for that series where he died, that may be OK.) It would be the best comic adaption ever, we'd get rich & Stomp could finally pay someone to look after his PC's. And if anyone says Wah Wah Wah it's too hard, all I have to say is if you're willing to stand in between the oppurtunity for Skaffen to have enough money to buy the Japanese Womens Volleyball Team & a pack of disposable Bic razors thats your choice.
Nuff said, now I've done the hard work. Stomp you do the easy bit & write the screenplay, Skaff & M-Pox can wrestle naked in Peanut Butter to decide who does the pitch to Hollywood exec's dressed in a suit of armour.
("you may be wondering why I'm doing this pitch in a suit of armour, the fact is you see this script if so fucking awesome if my body wasn't constrained by all this metal plating the radness would swell up from my balls & explode my body all over your nice walls, now sit down & open up your fucking chequebook")
posted by eightball at 6/30/2005 01:01:00 pm
4 Comments:
Gracious, I think you're onto something. I'll quit my job tomorrow to dedicate myself full-time to your idea. I shall start with a feature script for Danger Girl, and she keeps getting her tshirt wet, or her pants burnt off.
Seriously though, how long do we have to wait for THE GOON movie? I got 2 more issues yesterday, I LOVE The Goon so much my balls throb.
While I think you're right, and Spiderman1 was a bit slow, his background is cool and they had to "explore" it. But the second film is so rad, and the action is amazing. It's a GREAT film. And Raami (spelling?) is working on Spidey3 right now.
I want to see the Sandman fight spidey. And maybe Morbius. They'll probably bring in Venom, but the older villains are the best. The Sandman is tuff, and getting sand in your eyes hurts! That would SUCK!
Yeah I'm with you on that one. WHere is the Goon movie. well there's one way around that. We WRITE THE FUCKING GOON MOVIE. Robert Rodriguez didn't have the rights to Sin CIty when he did the test shoot for it. This is all bullshit pipedreaming I know. But how rad would it be to have a Goon movie turn out exactly as it shoudl be.
Cause as it is they'd concentrate on the second graphic novel first where it spends half of it explaining his history so people know why he's the Goon, which is fine when you've spent a Novel & a half falling in love with the character.
See what I'm saying here, have the first movie based pretty much solely off the first G-Novel. stragiht into him bashing up zombies & wrestling Giant Squids with no real explination. & then when people stop & go. "that was great, but why is he the Goon?" 12 months later you hit em with the sequel where they explain it a bit.
Cool. Opening scene - Franky takes bets on a fight in the pub. Scene 2, The Goon defeats a mule in one round.
The Goon is a great character, but I think the whole thing works so well because it is all equally strong. I love Franky. Scenes with the evil voodoo guy who rules the zombies talking to his 2nd in command are always funny. The zombies are funny. The talking spider in the pub is funny.
There is a new hardcover Goon collection coming out, "Fancy Pants" or something it's called. BUT it's just the shit I already have, arranged chronologically, with a 3 page previously unpublished 1st Goon story or something. Not worth it.
The dude who writes and draws The Goon is writing (but not drawing) a western/hammer horror series which just started and looks cool - I'll ask the comic shop guy to start chasing it up for me.
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