When Asses Go Bad
What the fuck is up with my ass? I'm not trying to be funny. Well I have some idea what's wrong. Against her better judgement my wife bought me a pack of Tia Maria Tim Tams out of sympathy for me having to do nightshift. I ate half a pack each night over two nights, a bowl of pasta at 4am last night and spaghetti again before work tonight. My butt is jam packed with playdoh gone septic. HELP ME!! I NEED FRUIT!! I need a bucket of warm soapy water, 4 towels, a high pressure hose and some time alone.
posted by stompbox at 10/28/2004 11:22:00 pm
3 Comments:
Dude, I just got back to work after 3 days off as prescribed by a Doctor. & I quote
"Dude your ass is a wack attack, you ain't going to work"
OK so I paraphrased a little
I went to the Black Eyed Peas gig up here two or three weeks ago at the Horden Pavillion. (Unfortunately I go there too late to see the Resin Dogs.)
Anyway... Just as the Peas were about to start I ducked off to have a slash, while there a squeezed out a ripped of a fart, a couple of dudes congratualted me on my effort. It wasn't until I got back to the mosh and found my mates that I realised I had in fact followed through.
I estimate about two shotglasses worth of feaces escaped my arse. I decided there was no way I was going to go back to the loo and clean up, it was a matter of pride.
The best big was every 15min or so one of my mates would turn to someone near us and yell 'Did you fucking shit you filthy animal?'
It took three washes to restore my undies to their former glory.
This story is true, I didn't tell you face to face cause Mum and Dad were there and I just knew one of you would tell them.
Joke 1. Gives a whole new meaning to Black Eyed Pea's
Question 1. Does that mean Black Eyed Peas were good or bad live?
Fan Fact 1. As most of you know I spent most of last week with a stomach virus, On monday morning when I was still determined that I wasn't sick I was rushing out the door to go to work. I bent down to pick up my backpack & felt a nice solid fart brewing. I relax my ass to let out the usual trumpeting roar. instead I am dealt a sort of warm burble. You guessed it. We've got the hat trick. 3 dudes & 3 cases of dumped in pants. A quick hobble to the loo & a screamed "HONEY BRING FRESH UNDIES, NO QUESTIONS ASKED" & I was on my way to work.
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