Surviving Down Under - The Is this thing still on edition

Well Skaff survived Australia & all it's associated dangers, both those well known & lesser known.

The well known
The Red Backed Spider - Dangerous as fuck but if you remember to czech the dunny seat before pooping you're generally OK

Taipan - Rumoured to kill a human before said meatbag has taken 3 steps away from it, so far taipan wounds in teh North Eastern Suburbs seems low.

Stingray - A seeminlgy harmless sea creature that was until one killed that crochumping dude, now if you simply say "stingray" grown men will shit their pants & cry, they don't frequent pubs too often so Skaff survived them as well.

The less well known, but even more deadly
The fire haired pixie - This initially charming looking creature has been known to shoot a stream of flames directly from it's mouth, usually a warning is given by an immense flash of light as it drives down the driveway in it's small black shell, but if the victim is 'slow moving' it can still cause serious damage to those present & even those not. Symptoms usually appear the next day, manifesting themselves as a massive headache the next day & a supposed feeling of shame.

The dozing naked cute thing - A similarly innocent creature which only seems to pose real danger to it's partner. However if some fucking idiot decides to barge in on it's hibernation cycle with a half-eaten pack of dixie drumsticks as it's only defence one could not be to surprised if the dozing naked cute thing eviscerated the victim with it's stare alone. luckily even though Skaff 'danced with the devil' while he was here he escaped with no lasting injuries, Naked cute things partner is still licking his wounds however but said partner has built up a tolerance for such things.

Satan - nuff said, usually alcohol can be relied upon to calm run of the mill mammal, a susposition like that could get you killed if you find yourself in the presence of this creature. remember the golden rule. "nod & back away" if that doesn't work, toss Jim Beam cans off to the side to try & distract it.

Now for the most dangerous creature of all

The common balcony - one might assume that simply being elevated 8-10 feet off the ground on a summers evening may pose no real threat at all, and it shouldn't. However if you are unaware of at least some of the dangers above & you do find yourself on a common balcony with beer or even worse, sake. Don't be surprised to find yourself dead very quickly. Some things to keep in mind to try & lessen the chance of being killed or at the very least emasculated are

1. even though the sound of trickling water can be soothing to the ear, the sound of beer trickling on an unconstructed new BBQ has a different effect all together

2. this goes triple for urine

3. relying on a younger of the species (inherintly faster & sharper of hearing) to be a lookout, while a good idea is only as good as you are prepared to trust it. If said youngling skips out for bed on suggestion of danger, for god sakes LISTEN TO IT!!! even though it may be a false alarm the best plan of action is rarely to go back to sub-points 1 or 2 until you're 1000% certain you're not about to upset one of Australia's Deadliest.